Was Meine Augen Sehen

HEAR YE, HEAR YE~
FROM NOW ON, I'LL BE MOVING TO ANOTHER BLOG. THIS BLOG WILL STILL BE OPEN FOR VIEWING, BUT THE BLOG I'LL BE UPDATING MOST OF THE TIME WILL BE THIS ONE HERE.

http://alaistar.blogspot.com

SO, TO THOSE WITH MY OLD LINK IN THEIR LINK LIST, DO PLEASE CHANGE IT TO THE NEW ONE UP THERE AS I WILL NO LONGER UPDATE THIS LJ BLOG.

Sincerely,
Alissa

I often thought about it, after what I've seen today. I often wondered, "Is this how it'll be if it really happened?". Then I started thinking again, and then realised that it won't exactly happen this way. Circumstances change, and certain ones react differently. Not all of them would be the same like how today was. Yet, the question always comes back to mind. Yes, the dreaded question. 

"Is this how it'll be if it really happened?"

Ah well. Thoughts and memories will only remains as just...a thought. An idea. A plan. Fabrications from the depths of one's mind. What matters most is now. Build the 'now' for a better 'future', a future we can never truly reach for every step we take towards the future, we transform it into 'now'. 

And I like my 'now'. I don't want it to change, if possible. Maybe a few changes that will bring good to it. Otherwise, I will try to keep everything the same. This feeling in me, I will truly cherish it. And no, I will never turn back to the past again. What was done was done. What matters is now. Yes, now. 

And I will never repeat the same mistake again.

Ever. 

My love is for him and only him.

Well, not entirely drunk. And not literally drunk, of course, I mean, it goes against my teachings. Besides, I've also been warned against it by people who actually drank those things before, so yea~ All the more reason for me to avoid such a thing. 

But last night was...*goes all dreamy*

It was just like any other normal date with Aiman but...*sighs* After buying a dvd from the shop, I started going all stumbly-wumbly~ =P Then he...XDDDDDDD Him and his sexy voice, seriously. 

Gaaaaah, and throughout the whole way, I was walking and stumbling like a drunkard with a very stupid smile on my face. For a moment there, I look like a retard. And I hope the whole of Sri Hartamas didn't see the retard me walking along the side of the road.

I was flying. Really. It's like I was the kite and he was the one holding on to the string, catching me everytime I fall.

...

A weird comparison, but heck. Nobody catches birds. =.= 

Ah well.......................Euphoria..........Euphoria........................

Hehehehehehehehehehehehe~~~~~

Woots~ Another lecture from Father. XD I've pretty much gotten used to it. Uh, it's just my usual procrastination thingie. Hm. 

*15 minutes before Listening Test*

Nothing much to update, 'cept that a friend of mine will be receiving a pineapple for his birthday. 0__0 with Minnie Mouse stickers on it. 

*14 minutes before Listening Test*

I finished reading Stardust!  I bought Salem's Lot! And I'm reading A Game of Thrones! 

...yes, I'm out of things to say.

...

*14 minutes and 30 seconds left*

I had another weird dream about someone trying to kill me but failed. Again. It was a claustrophobic feeling, I mean, he tried to drown me. In ice and water. And covered the top part with a thick glass panel thingie. I was able to breathe, strangely. But I managed to escape. And when I went to report to the police, they didn't believe me and THEN they start to chase me, accusing me for murdering the man who tried to kill me coz right after that, the killer went missing. 

...*sob*

Then I had another dream. A real freaky one. I don't wanna say it here though. It's best if I explain it with my own words. Verbally.

*10 minutes left*

I hate LiveJournal. 

I really do. 

And I want Silent Hill Origins. Bloody expensive, but...but...it's a Silent Hill game! >.<

*9 minutes left*

................................................*sigh*

*8 minutes*

I love Aiman~ 8D

*7 minutes* 

I better be going now.

*6 minutes*

Like REALLY now. 

*5 minutes* 

I LOVE AIMAN~ 8D

*4 minutes*

OKAYGTGBYE

 NEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEJIIII~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I'LL CREATE A WORSE-ER TAG FOR YOU AND PUT YOUR NAME AAAAALL OVER IT. JUST YOU WAIT!! 

Ze Tag

The phone rings, who do u want it to be?
Someone who would offer me a full-time scholarship to study overseas. =3

When shopping at the grocery store, do u return ur cart?
Nah. I just push it to the side, make sure it won't block any cars trying to take that parking space of mine. But if the proper place to put the cart is nearby, I'll push it there.

In a social setting, r u more of a talker or listener?
It varies.

Do u take compliments well?
Pretty much, yea. I don't take flattering too much though.

Do u play sudoku?
I hate it. =(

If abandoned alone in the wilderness will u survive?
I have a bit of...scouting experience. I SHOULD be able to survive..............*prays for the rescue team to arrive*

What song r u listening to?
Sapphire by Keiko Matsui

Did u ever go to a camp as a kid?
Yea. Once. Wasn't really a camp though. I had facilities nearby. Father did most of the stuff, but I helped too! =3

What was ur fav game as a kid?
Kejar-kejar. And uh...Police and Thieves too, I guess. And I like playing House~ XD

R u single?
Nope.

Could u date someone with different religious beliefs than u?
Perhaps. I did once. Had a few arguments with him (he was agnostic, so yea). But if he's of a different religion, I don't mind. In fact, I like to compare our beliefs and all.

Do u like to pursue or be pursued?
I suppose I like being wanted. But pursuing ain't too bad as well. Just as long as I don't look desperate. =s

Use 3 words to describe urself
Gullible, dreamer, thirteen.

Do any songs make u cry?
It depends on the situation. There was once I was listening to 'I'm Still Here' by John Rheznik(sp?), and I thought about Ryu, my I.F. I just kept thinking about how real he wanted to be...how he wanted to exist. The lyrics really...touched me. I cried for a bit. It was a dream he can never achieve.

Are u continuing ur education?
Will be pursuing my degree in journalism. Hope to do Masters after that. =)

Do u know how to shoot a gun?
Using a sub-machine gun to gun down zombies? Yea. XD

If ur house was on fire, wad would be the 1st thing(s) that u will grab?
PS2! LAPTOP! MY BOOKS! SAKINAH'S DRAWINGS! ...and then my sisters and brother. OH! AND THE PIANO SHEETS!

How often do u read books?
I used to read 'em everyday. Just can't find the time for it now. But yes, I love reading and if possible, I try to read as much as I could. Currently reading Stardust now. =3

Do u think more about the past, present or future?
Past, mainly. I often look back at my past mistakes to fix my present and then move on to a better future.

What is ur fav children's book?
Mickey On-The-Go! I remember my Mother reading it to me so many times, lol~ I love it. I can't find it now though. =(

What colour are ur eyes?
Dark brown

How tall r u?
159cm. The last I checked.

Where is ur dream house located?
A luxurious penthouse(sp?) in the heart of the city with a splendid view of the city and beyond. I'd like to do away with the balcony, but if it comes with that, then I don't really mind. I mean, I could reach out and touch the moon and the stars. =)

Have u ever taken pictures in a photo booth?
Yup. Hilarious pictures though, lol~

When was the last time that u were in Oliva Garden?
Where? 0.o?

Do u like mustard?
No

Do u prefer to eat or sleep?
Sleep. I'm a dreamer, lol.

Do u look like ur mum and dad?
Father. My stepmom and mother say that I'm a female clone of him. =S

How long does it take u in the shower?
Morning: 10 min.
Evening: 14 min. Approx.
Rushed Morning: 5 min. Exactly.

Can u do the splits?
I ran away when the teacher was about to make me do it.

Wad movie do u want to watch right now?
Enchanted!

Wad did u do for new year?
Stay at home and listen to the radio announcing the new year. Pathetic, isn't it?

Do u own a camera phone?
Yup.

Was ur mum a cheerleader?
That's be fun. 8) but nope. She ain't. She was popular though, if that's what you mean.

How many hours of sleep do u get a nite?
I try to maintain 7-8 hours. Any shorter than that I'll just collapse in class. =s

Do u like Care Bears?
Yes! Well, used to. That's what gave me the idea that clouds were like cottons where you can bounce on 'em and not fall. =)

Wad do u buy at the movies?
Tempura-fried Nuggets! I let Aiman buy the large drink, lol~

Do u know how to play poker?
Is cho-tai-ti(sp?) poker? Coz if it is, then yea, I do.

Do u wear ur seatbelt?
Everytime. Except when I have to reach out for the Touch n Go device thingie. Had to take off the seatbelt and then drive the whole way till the next traffic light/traffic jam without wearing my seatbelt. >.<

Wad do wear to sleep?
Nightgowns, mostly.

Anything big ever happen in ur hometown?
Uhh...nah. Nothing. Just the usual celebrations (Hari Raya Aidilfitri and Aidiladha) and the kenduris...and weddings...uggh.

How many meals do u eat a day?
Three. It consists of lunch, tea-time (usually Maggi), and dinner.

Do u always read Friendster bulletins?
Sometimes.

Do u like funny or serious ppl better?
Funny ones! But I like serious ones when it comes to conversations on certain issues. Debates are nice with serious ones coz you usually get your points straight out from 'em.

Ever been to L.A?
Yup. The only thing I remember from there is the Disneyland attraction. Other than that, my memories were filled mostly of Arizona, Vegas, and San Fransisco.

Did u eat a cookie 2day?
No, we all finished the cookie last Friday. =(

Tag 3 ppl
Aiman, Chel, Deborah.


DONE~~ I'M DONE~~~ YESS~~~~~ THANK YOU AND BYE BYE~ 0______________________0

Well, after a whole week of working bloody hard on our video shooting assignment thingie, Monday finally arrived and I was not finished with editing. Yet. Fortunately, we were the second to put up our vid for everyone else to see (well, it's not THAT fortunate, but it's better than being the first and display an incomplete-and-horrible editing work). 

We showed our vid (it was a re-enactment of Mean Girls) and well...it...was horrible OK. If we had more time, (if only), it could've turned out better. I mean, Rae, Chel, Debs, and Jules acted nicely for their parts. And uh...it may sound like I'm bragging but, yea, me too. We all played our part nicely. Everything else was perfect. 

It's 
just
the
editing

and procrastination <- that is unavoidable. 

Our camera thingie was pretty steady...it's just the editing and the fact that our lecturer said that it followed the movie TOO MUCH. 

Correct me if I'm wrong but when shooting a re-enactment of a scene, one must not change its whole content and rty to stick true to the movie, right? I mean, after all, it IS a re-enactment AND it's not our own script AND we have no right to change its contents unless that particular movie was made by us. Heck, maybe it's just me who didn't get her explanation but...gah. Misleading. Very misleading.

Everyone else did awesome-ly better. Zheng Joo 's & Alicia's was pretty. Yan Sin's was funny. And I have yet to see the last one by Jing's group. And I missed Jiin's movie. (the time spent there was solely on editing our vid).

And I have to admit, I was really intimidated by their movies. Terribly intimidated. But it was all in good, I mean, it's a nice motivation boost or something like that. 

After we exit the classroom, I kinda noticed the change in both the Rachels (maybe Jules? I'm not so sure). I might be wrong but well, earlier before we screened the movie, they were both pretty enthusiastic about the movie and well...I sensed that sort of bond between all of us. It was a nice feeling, really. But after the screening, it feels like that...bond thingie sort of...loosened or something. We talked less and all.

While I drove Debs back to her place, we sort of chit-chatted and talked about them. Yea, sure, they're tired and all, and I know no one can stick to their happy-happy state forever and all (yesh, yesh, I know about the 'I-have-a-life' part) but still...

*sigh*

Girls, I don't mean any offense to you by noting this out but it somewhat worried me so yea, I just wanted to point it out, that's all. I was just wondering if I missed anything bad you both noticed along the way...I mean, judging from your expressions and all, so yea. So, what exactly went wrong?

Don't you ever get the feeling that you feel bloody annoyed at times? And sometimes, you tend to get annoyed at a certain someone you least expect to get annoyed at. I mean, sure, a sort of task is forced on ya and all, but.....................*sigh*

In a nutshell, I'm annoyed.

Ah...'tis been a long while since I've posted anything in here. Sure, it's a nice place to post things and expect others to read it and comment or something. However, when it comes to letting out your innermost feelings and you know certain words will tend to hurt others, this place is not THE right place to do so. Yes, I know everyone's aware of that by now and I know that most of you have secret blogs somewhere in the world of internet for you to let out those feelings of yours. Ah well, I'm not really proving a point here, just pointing out certain things, that's all.

Annoyance can drive you mad, truly. And when you're in that mood, even the littlest thing can blow your mind off like a bomb. Wait, that's a very small comparison...not a bomb, a NUCLEAR BOMB. Yes, that's the thing.

...never mind.

At this moment, now, I feel like shredding something to pieces.

Shred.

Shred.

Shred.

Destroy?

No.

I have to remain civil. Calm. Think things through before jumping to conclusion.

*sigh*

I hope this Monday will turn out all right. I really don't know what to do if something fails. If it does come to that then...well...make do...make do...

Voice: Oh, shut up, Alissa. Nothing's gonna work if you just rant on. It's pointless. Useless.

Me: Sure. I got work. I'll keep to that. Think of solutions along the way then.

Voice: ...you'll burst any moment now.

Me: Don't. Tempt. Me. Bastard.

Voice: Chill. I was just mentioning the possible outcomes, that's all. Things supposedly not going right, people hoping you'd do something. Really. Won't it be fun if you can do away with certain things? Like that movie for instance?

Me: Do you want me to erase you from existence, entirely?

Voice: Sure. Why not? Someone else will take my place and taunt you again.

Me: ........

Voice: It's a never-ending vicious cycle, Alissa. I'm stuck with you for good, and knowing your nature, you'll never be free of me.

Yesterday's event was a tad bit odd. Tiring, to be precise. I was driving up and down to pick my sister up and all. Of course, if it was me alone, it would've been very very stressful. But I had company with me, and company was oh-so-good~ It may have been hours, but even so, I still miss him.

Amadeo.

Dearest Amadeo.

*ahem* Anyway, I had a dream on that particular night as well. Seemed a tad bit odd, but not as detailed as the "Soul-Eaten" dream I had before this.

I was at the arcade with Aiman, playing some...games. We then resorted to playing House of The Dead II. I was scolded by him for not aiming properly and 'coz of that, got meself into trouble, aye. But for some reason, we just got sucked into the game and...well, all of a sudden, I was alone.

Technically, I wasn't really alone. There were zombies after me, and I was equipped with a machine gun. Unlimited ammo, to be precise. Then again, my fear for zombies got the better of me. Forced myself to wake up and tried to keep my eyes open no matter how drowsy I was. For a while, I had my eyes concentrated on only the darkness.

Then it was back to dreamland.

The second dream...I was a waitress at a Japanese restaurant. There was these group of men in one tatami room...and it was my turn to bring in the sake for 'em. So yea, did the job. Then I went to the toilet aaaand...one of the dudes crashed in and tried to rape me. 0________0

Well, not the normal rape thingie though. He was like..."Perhaps I should cover you with centipedes and spiders~" and "Maybe you'll look even prettier with the beetles and rat skins~". *blinks* I think that's what he said. Anyway, for some reason, I was at the verge of getting killed by that pervert. Then the whole scene shifted to the part where I had to

FAKE MY DEATH.

Just to let him get caught by the police so he'll get prosecuted.

It was all 1st-person-view. I felt the officials carry my body to a bonfire and let it burn or something. The flames didn't really affect my body 'coz I was hiding in between the dry branches. How I manage to survive the fire, I don't know. Dreams bend reality. Another shift of scene, and I find myself running in the forest. My clothes were all torn and tattered. I was pretty much afraid of everything around me and started climbing a tree when I saw someone coming.

Turns out it was Aiman. He tried to convince me to get down, but I threw fruits at him instead. 0______0 or something like that.

I ended up staying at his place. The space under his bed became my bed. And he took care of me while the pervert who tried to rape/kill me was let loose, trying to look for me.

And that was it.

Wish there was more though, it seemed like a nice dream to me. Somewhat better than "Soul-Eaten", lol~ This was...fast-paced, intense...and uh...well, fun, i suppose~ Faking my death. Lol~

*shrugs* I found this while browsing through the many blog links I have with me, and I found this at Rae's blog.

http://www.goldinuniverse.com/default.asp

Out of curiosity, I decided to try it. And I got this~

Name: Alissa
Date: 11/4/2007
Colorgenics Number: 37154260

---

You feel as if you have missed out on a great deal that life had to offer and you go about trying to make up for past failures. Naturally at times you get depressed and you try to compensate for your 'missed opportunities' by living your life to the full. This is what, perhaps, may be described as 'living with exaggerated intensity'. In this way you feel you can break the chains of the past and start again - and it could be that you are right.

You are a very warm and emotional individual but unfortunately in the past too many people have taken advantage of this sensitive trait. You need aesthetic surroundings, or an equally sensitive and understanding partner with whom to share a warm understanding.

At times one is burdened with more than one's fair share of problems and this would appear to be your situation at present. But you are adamant - you know what you wish to achieve - and by giving a little and taking a little you may well find that the realization of your dreams could become a reality.

As of late, you have been experiencing untold stress and this is a result of continuous frustration. You haven't been taking care of all your physical needs and it's beginning to show. It would seem that you have a need to find someone to whom you can really relate - someone perhaps whose standards are as high as your own. You want to be different - to be individualistic - to stand out from the common herd. Your inherent control of your sensual instincts is restricting your ability to give yourself to open up freely but this being on your own, being lonely, often makes you feel the need to give up some of your strict standards to surrender to the general flow - to be like everyone else; a part of the herd. Deep down you regard such instincts as weaknesses to be overcome. You would like to be loved or admired for yourself alone. You demand recognition and tender loving care.

The fear that you may not be able to fulfil or realise all of your ambitions makes you work and play hard. The thought of being prevented from achieving the things you want leads you to play your part with frantic fervour.

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________

...I'm not so sure myself. *shrugs* 'tis rather accurate, I suppose, but with the other 13, no- 12 people in my head, I can't quite tell.

It was
the best
prom
ever.

Complaints on last year's prom:-

- dress made me look old. =S
- prom date was some...guy who thinks he's hot but he ain't.
- food ain't great.
- it wasn't my school's prom, it was another school.
- prom date ditched me for a group photo with other gals. (mind you, they're GALS, not PALS)
- outside event seemed fun-er than the ones inside the ballroom.

Most of my complaints were on my date, because a few weeks after that, he proclaimed to everyone that I was his girlfriend. Asshole. Ah well, I'm glad that was over.

Then this year's prom came along, and I managed to fix relationship problems before prom came. Thank god the whole feud (which was my fault to begin with >.<) was over by the time prom was like...in just 2-3 weeks.

It was at Holiday Inn, Glenmarie (well, we got lost at the first part 'coz I thought Saujana WAS Holiday Inn ^_^;). Hmm...and my appearance that night surprised a lot of people. Well, not that many in the beginning, but somewhere at the end, I was attacked by my friends who screamed at the sight of my hair. 0__0



Yea, no surprise there. That would've shocked anyone. I mean, one moment I had short hair, and all of a sudden, LONG. WHOOSH.
But I'm not gonna say anything. I'm just gonna let y'all figure this one out yerself, aye? XD

That was my outfit for the night, btw~ and I do look a tad bit...big. ^_^;



And this was my Prince Charming for the night. =3

I saw Debs and Chel, didn't really notice anyone else. I suppose it's because I didn't really move around much to look for others~ Somewhat occupied with a certain 'something'. *smirk*

Debbie's gown was...wow. 0__0 it's like a wedding gown, only without the veil and all. It was beautiful...

Chal's was similar to Debbie's too, only hers was black. Flower necklace. Flower-sewn-print-thingie shawl. New hairdo. Make-up. 0____0 yes, they both came prepared.

I only had powder and lipstick on me. Couldn't figure out the blush and mascara part ^_^; I suppose brown really suits me, since my lips are naturally pink.

There weren't that much photos with my pals 'coz most of 'em were taken by their cameras and I was a bit too lazy to take my phone out. Hehe. Rather use my camera for special uses...like these:-





XDDDDDDD There were more, but I'm generous enough to show ya these. Then again, I suppose the only ones who enjoy looking at these photos are the ones who starred in 'em itself. LOL~



And here I was trying out a new pose. ^_^; Thanks, Aiman~

There was a grand piano nearby, but the keys were off. XD Then again, nothing can stop me from playing 'em~





Candid shots courtesy of Aiman. XD I was testing out the Granado Espada song. *sigh* Need to work on that a wee bit more~ The pics caught me by surprise, LOL~

Wish I could put up more photos, but I'm sure everyone else has the same piccies on their blog so...yea, if any of ya want more, it's all in their blogs. Not mine.

*grin*

I LOVE THIS PROM~~ I LOVE IT~~ I LOVE IT~~~~~ I LOVE IT~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

*kisses Aiman*

PS: Pictures sucks here. But I wanna use this theme so...if ya want the proper ones (which, I doubt you'd want, XD), just gimme a holler, eh? Thanks.